presidentgay:

*walks up to straight couple* which one of you is the bee and which one of you is the fully grown adult woman who left her fiance for the bee?

greggaraki:

fuck you if you don’t think robert de niro’s best role is as captain shakespeare the gay sky pirate in stardust (2007) dir. matthew vaughn

thats-so-meme:

standpoor:

being an adult is just running around getting one thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done and also eating whatever you want but feeling really guilty about it

commander-ledi:

emergencycocktail:

switch:

you know those lawn mower robots? vegetarian roombas.

the implication in this post that regular roombas consume meat is frankly kind of terrifying

big portion of dust is in fact human skin so regular roombas consume mostly just human skin.

racingbarakarts:

me: i literally couldnt care less about what people think about me

also me: 

eyedeleter:

neptune–e:

everytime i move i crunch like popcorn

and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly

beyoncescock:

me: *sees a bee* I respect you

bee: *starts flying toward me*

me: *runs away shrieking*

mlghost:

ihaveneverusedthissitebefore:

faustsfancycorner:

all cats are good but i especially enjoy black cats who just look like vaguely cat-shaped blobs of darkness